Today is my brothers birthday.

Rick is the youngest.  He is a wonderful father, grandfather, uncle, brother and is a pillar in the family.  He is kind, passionate, a Heard trait, and loving.  As a man and brother, I am very proud of him.

Have the best birthday,  Rick.  G_d bless you and yours.

Damn, it is Friday already.  It does seem like everyday is the next Friday. We closed the pool on Wednesday and probably will be opening it again next Friday.  LOL

I did get to see my Oncologist, Dr. Tan on Monday, the 15th.  He did give me some news.

• the tumor is in the 2nd layer of my muscle surrounding the esophagus. This good news.
• the lymph-nodes around the tumor are benign. Also good news.
• will not be having the operation until possibly March
• will be getting chemo weekly for 6 weeks
• will be getting radiation everyday for 6 weeks
• after the chemicals and rad, the operation will be schedules

The surgeon strongly recommended loss of weigh before the operation.  Oncologist said not to worry, the chem and radi will assist in that issue.  

All of this is good news except the obvious.  My head is still on my shoulders.  

Thank you so much for your cards and notes here and on FaceBook.  Touching me through communication is helping me become even stronger.  

Love you all 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sorry for slipping up and not getting this out sooner.  I did have my EUS (Endoscopic Ultra Sound) on Friday.  

So far, everyone has been very nice and the procedures have happened within the time appointed.

The EUS was scheduled at DePaul Hospital Medical Center.  

When we arrived, in the waiting room, there was a lady that was shocked to see that we had taken residency right across from her and she did not see us arrive.  She had much on her mind.  Her husband of 90 yo had been taken back to the prep room about 2 hours ago and she had not heard a thing as to what was going on. 

She would have been a poster person for the perfect southern woman.  Neatly dressed, with sophistication and grace.  She was soft spoken and considerably nervous and lost.

She was taunted by the fact that he was by himself and she did not even know where he was being attended.

After watching her, feeling her pain and understanding her issue all too well, I realized that, in this room of people waiting to have procedures and/or operations, there was not a soul at the reception desk.  How thoughtless.  Our seniors need more consideration and they need patience and engagement from staff.

I also noticed that the door to the vault of missing patients was opened and people were coming and going through this formidable portal. There was a solution at hand.

Lester and I discussed the issue and Lester turned to the wonderfully expressive lady and said, “The door is opened.  Go up to the door and walk right through it and get some answers.”  She said, “Can I do that?” Well, after about four other guests sang praises to the idea, she took the encouragement and walked with dignity to the door, opened it up and disappeared.

About ten minutes later, she came bounding through the door with a big white hospital bag with her husbands belongings.  She looked years younger and had the color back in her cheeks.  She exclaimed that he had been in there for two hours and there was no news about when he would be seen by the attendants but she was relieved.

KNOCK KNOCK, De Paul Medical Center!  Who’s there?  Respect, Sensitivity and Understanding.

ANYWAY, I was taken into the back for prep.  My nurse was very sweet and efficient.  We went through all the paperwork, which Les usually fills out for me.  Seriously, if anything happens to me, and I want you to keep your eyes open, he could very easily take over my identity, well, except for the photo of me.  They call him Mr. Heard and they discuss all my medications with him as he surely is my medicine caretaker.

Rose asked when I last ate.  I told her that I have not had any food or drink since 12 the previous night.  It was now 130P. She understandingly mentioned that I must be starving.  I said, “you know, Rose, you are looking mighty good right now”.  Rose retaliated with, “ Honey, you are going to have to put a pound of tenderizer on me because I am a tough old bird!  We both laughed and went back to the questionnaire. 

Once settled in my backless gown and made quite comfortable, I felt it time to say hello to my neighbor.  I had heard him yawning numerous times and decided to see why.  Couldn’t just be that he is tired.

My attendant pulled back the curtain and there he was.  He had no idea who he was parked next to and could be held captive, so easily.  Now inquiring minds WILL know.

Bill is 50 yo and has his foot bandaged.  Looked pretty serious but all of a sudden I got thinking maybe I do not want to know.  That thought was foolish!  

Bill looks like he is about 35 and in excellent shape. By that, no weight issues, no visible scars or G_D, forbid, tattoos. LOL  He had all his teeth, unlike myself, and had a great outlook on life, family and his wonderful doctor.   Still, that bandaged foot had to be explained.

Bill had led a very, shall I say, exciting and damaging youth.  Drugs, sex and rock and roll was just part of his past.  Bill is diabetic.  I then asked the big question, as I am also diabetic.  “Bill, have you had any amputations?”  Half heartedly, thinking the answer would be “No”, he exclaimed that he had lost the toe on his left foot along with the “index toe”. You get that, right?  Not only on the left foot but he was getting a skin graft from his butt to repair an issue with his right foot big toe.  Funny that you would never be able to tell .

Bill then began telling me his story.  He didn’t realize that he is already preaching to the choir.  His realization was moderation in anything that you do.  Moderation in your eating habits, moderation in your drug habits, in your relationship habits and finally, moderation is just how much you allow YOU to hurt or damage yourself.  I think we can all understand his point of view. Bottom line, from both mine and Bill’s experiences, what you do in your earlier life comes back to haunt you in your later life.  Can I get an AMEN ?   

Someday, when you are 50, or older, think back to this blog and remember this very sound experience was shared with you and you ignored it.  G_D knows I did.

Suddenly, I was whisked away to the procedure room.  I was introduced to two nurses, Rita and Camellia and my tech, Len. Len kept a low profile but there seemed to be some misunderstanding of who was to be my nurse, Rita or Camellia.  Rita asked me which one of them did I want.  Hey, I have had some experience with women before, just ask my friend and mother of my children.  So I said what any red blooded male would say, “I think I’ll take both of you”.  They laughed and I was out of danger.

Before, as I was being rushed to the prod room, no misspelling here, Rita asked me if I had ever met Dr. Sullivan before now.  I hadn’t.  She went on to explain that he was very young looking for someone in his thirties.  I mentioned that he was a baby.  No he really looks young.  I asked”You mean like jail young?”.  She blushed.  It was pretty certain that Camellia liked working with Dr. Sullivan.

Now we were in a situation that Camellia might not have the opportunity to WORK by his side.

Well, here he comes swaggering down the hall.  Actually that is not true. He walked very normally down the hall.  He had a big smile, looked to be in his twenties, and damn it, perfectly tasseled hair.  He was very attentive to me and answered all of my questions.

The procedure was starting shortly and Camellia and Len were at gurney side.  I asked Camellia what happened to Rita and she gave me the strangest wink.  Hmmm.

I was immediately given an elastic strap that went around my neck.  This strap had a piece of plastic under my throat.  This was to be used to support the camera that would shortly be going down my throat for the ultrasound. 

The drugs were good as I do not remember anything after the mask was placed over my face.  Dr. Sullivan told Lester that I was a great patient.  He was able to get the necessary ultra sound.  The EUS told us that the tumor is outside the wall of the esophagus.  The tumor is growing into my body.  A biopsy of the lymph-nodes was taken and will be examined.

My next appointment is tomorrow.  My oncologist, Dr. Valiant Tan, will probably have more information. I hope so.

My last appointment will be next Tuesday with the thoracic surgeon.  By that time, all the information will be looked at and we will discuss treatment.  

Thank you so much for letting me get carried away with thought as it keeps me sane. Humor is a wonderful medicine.

I love you all and thank you for caring.  Thank you also for taking this journey with me. 

November 9, 2010

Just got back from the meeting with the suggested thoracic surgeon.  

The good news, the PET scan tells us that the cancer is not showing up in any other part of my body.

The not so good news, I will have to have a very invasive surgery done to remove the cancer.  This surgery ranks second to heart surgery in complexity.,

Basically, the surgeon will enter my chest to cut the cancer out.  By cutting it out, I mean,  the cut will be above the cancer and also below the cancer.  The piece will be removed and they will then turn me over on my back, enter my body, a second cut and 

pull the stomach up to meet the esophagus.  The two pieces will then be sewn together.

The pancreas is very close to the area where the operation will be performed.  The could be danger here.  There could also be an problem with the stitching of the two pieces, in that if it leaks, It could be life threatening and could require similar operations..

During this procedure, I will be fed through my stomach by an external feeder.  It will be removed sometime after the operation.  The following are true:  

• the operation will take about 5 hours
• my stay in the hospital will be for 6 to 10 days
• my recovery will take about 4 to 6 weeks

When we first went to the office of the thoracic surgeon, I noticed on his door was the name Dr. Paul Braunstein, Junior.  This was curious so you know me, I had to ask. You see, Jews name there children after the deceased to memorialize them.  The Junior didn’t belong. He told me that his grandfather was jewish.  Well, as any jew worth their salt, the blood line of Judaism runs through the mother. Not sure how I feel about a non jewish surgeon.  LOL  I like and trust him very much.  I am also glad to be referred to him as he also teaches Thoracic Surgery in EVMS (Eastern Virginia Medical School}.

To be honest with you, when he was telling me about the process, while he was drawing it on the paper that I sat on for the examination, I was very clear headed and attentive.  I now have become a bit frightened.  Excuse me, little Max just started giving me kisses.  I swear he knows something is wrong. How sweet he is, how sweet they all are but I digress.

I still have the EUS scan (Endoscopic Ultra Sound) this coming Friday.  Will meet my oncologist next Tuesday.  When all the test are in, all of us will get together and work this out.  My operation is tentatively planned for the first week in December.

So many things are crossing my mind.  Took a nap after my medication and saw my mother and father holding hands, smiling and laughing.  Lois and Cathy were near by playing baseball of all things.  It is probably quite normal to think about your deceased loved ones when you are faced with your own vulnerability. 

It is not my time!      Love all of you very much

What Beautiful Lilies

These lilies that are at the top of the blog are actually in my back yard.  We kept planting them every year and the plants multiplied and the blossoms got bigger and bigger.


Thoracic Surgeon - tomorrow at  10:45
EUS (Endoscopic Ultra Sound - Friday at 1:00
Oncologist - Next Tuesday at 12:45

What's happening so far....

Hello family,

The horror of the PET Scan is now over and guess what?  It wasn't that horrible.  

The staff were very kind and talkative.  I appreciate this as, most of you know, I

love to communicate.  Probably more than usual on this day,  I began to realize that

these individuals will in about two hours have all the pictures to determine if my cancer

is moving to other parts of my body.  So..with the small talk, I figure they will give me 

a clean bill of health and leak some information by mistake.on this issue. 

They're not talking. And then they whined about only my doctor could read these scans

for me.  Well, okay, be that way.  

Pam told me she would be asking questions periodically.  Evidently, she is returning to

this position after being separated from it for a while. "Do you mind if I ask questions" 

said she.  "Sorry, I can only accept questions from my doctor!, said me.  We laughed

and she gave a a gallon of barium liquid to ingest.  I asked for a straw.  I began to slurp

it down and realized that it didn't taste that bad.  Not chalky like I remember.  I suggested

that the barium manufacturer favor it with chocolate.  Pammy laughed and admitted to 

being a chocoholic. I was informed that after the barium milkshake, I would be left alone

for about an hour. 

Turned on the tv, went the cartoon station..yes, the cartoon station.  Tell me have never

done that!  My goodness, communicating  by word is so revealing.I feel so vulnerable.

That last sentence would have been an "lol" sentence but truly, I feel very vulnerable right

now and humor is a way of of expressing it.  Calms me right down.

Five minutes into  the anime based on Clay Akin's life story, I was dreaming and it wasn't 

about Clay. Now " LOL"  lol

No I was dreaming about my grandson, Brandon.  How old he was getting and how he probably would't recognize me. I dreamt about some stuff that included my brothers and sisters, from a long time ago. I remember smiling at the picture of my children that is in the dining room and thinking how proud I am of all of them.  Started feeling wet licks all over my face and Lester telling me to take my medicine..

OMG I am waking up!

Next was the last slurp of barium and..oh, I forgot to tell you that after the last swallow shake, they injected me ith radioactive sugar.  That sure got my attention.

Was brought into the machine room.  Sorta looked like a huge fat donut. It was pretty obvious, I was going right through the middle.  Pam and accomplice placed my feet and arms, made certain I was comfortable and announced that I would be going through the scanning for about 30 minutes.

Again, I fell asleep but without memory of content of any dreams.

Woke up, and the entire dreaded experience was over and so far..no pain or discomfort.

We will be picking up the CD ROM tomorrow for the rest of the investigative team.

My next appointment will be with the Thoracic surgeon on 11/09  or next Tuesday

.

After that, 

11/12  -  EUS Scan

11/16  -  Oncologist

Family, thank you for your concern.  Other than being a little scared, I feel wonderful. I will be

very happy when I can stop this communication.  I love all of you very much and each and every one of you have impacted my life in one way or another.

Love,  DAD/Fred/Eric

Thus Far

Hi, family.

Sorry I have been so secretive about my situation but I now know everything that will be happening.

First of all, I have been diagnosed with a cancer called Adenocarcinoma.  Not sure why they cab't make it easy and call it Frank.  Would be so  much easier.

ad·e·no·car·ci·no·ma (dn--kärs-nm)

a malignant tumor originating in the epithelial cells of glandular tissues and forming Glendale structures.

History:

I was feeling a sensation in the middle of my chest.  Felt like what I supposed might be reflux.  It was continuing to give me pain and a feeling of gasping for breath.  The pain got worse and I went to see my primary physician.

He referred me to a gastroenterologist.  Dr. Makdisi, scheduled me for a Barium Swallow.  The x-rays showed the liquid going down my throat but there was a shadow on the side of the tube going to my stomach.  A biopsy was taken and diagnosed as malignant..

Enter a thoracic surgen and oncologist.

I am scheduled for a PET/CT (Positron Emission Tomography and Computed Tomography on Friday of this week.  This is the most advanced technology for determining the whereabouts of any additional cancer areas.  Glucose makes the cancer tissues grow rapidly.  I will receive a radiopharmaceutical injection.

On the 12 of November I am scheduled for a EUS (Endroscopic Ultrasound).  It uses endoscopy and ultrasound to give the highest quality of body images possible.

Now it is time to bring all the physians together to look at all of the data.

If the tumor is not spreading, the thoracic surgeon will remove the tumor,

If the tumor is spreading to other parts of my bady, there would be no need for surgery as the oncologist would have to prepare chemotherapy for me.

That is about it for the time being.  I am feeling rather good but sometimes the pain is pretty intense in my chest.  I hope I have answere all questions and some are probably going, "I thought he would never end" but I wanted to get all info in.  Thanks for being so patient.

In closing, I love you all very much, even those who are relatively new in my life.

Dad/Big Brother/Fred and Eric